Heads up, customer service representatives! The way you talk to me is bugging me. Here are some of the phrases I could do without:
“With whom do I have the pleasure of speaking with?”
You don’t say ‘with’ at the beginning and the end of the sentence; you say it at the beginning or the end. Better yet, don’t say this prissy phrase at all. Just ask me what my name is, please.
“I will be more than happy to help you.”
‘Happy’ would be more than happy enough. Don’t tell me you’ll be happy to help me. Just help me.
“I know exactly how you feel.”
No, you don’t. Anyway, I’m not asking for your empathy. I’m asking for your help. What I really feel you are doing with these empathic paraphrases is subliminally reminding me how much I need my cell phone and your service. Thanks, but I don’t need to be reminded that you have me by the balls.