Want to negotiate more effectively in professional and personal settings? Talk less and listen more.

CSO — Having trouble winning over that one key person at work? Expert negotiators at the FBI and elsewhere have found active listening to be key in any negotiation. Here are seven keys to active listening. (Also see the companion article Secrets of successful business negotiation” for tips from former FBI hostage negotiator Chris Voss.)

Adapted from the article “Crisis Intervention: Using Active Listening Skills in Negotiations” by Gary W. Noesner and Mike Webster, published in the 1997 issue of the Law Enforcement Bulletin. Full text available at: www.au.af.mil/au/awc/awcgate/fbi/crisis_interven2.htm.
Having trouble winning over that one key person at work? Expert negotiators at the FBI and elsewhere have found active listening to be key in any negotiation. Here are seven keys to active listening. (Also see the companion article Secrets of successful business negotiation” for tips from former FBI hostage negotiator Chris Voss.)

1. Showing Your Interest: Prove you’re listening by using body language or brief verbal replies that show interest and concern. Simple phrases such as “yes,” “OK” or “I see” effectively show you are paying attention. This encourages the other person to continue talking and relinquish more control of the situation to the negotiator.
2. Paraphrasing: Tell the other person what you heard them say, either quoting them or summarizing what they said.
3. Emotion Labeling: This means attaching a tentative label to the feelings expressed or implied by other person’s words and actions. This shows you are paying attention to the emotional aspects of what other person is conveying. When used effectively, emotion labeling is one of the most powerful skills available to negotiators because it helps identify the issues and feelings driving the other person’s behavior.
4. Mirroring: Repeating the last words or main idea of other person’s message. This indicates interest and understanding. For example, a subject may say, “I’m sick and tired of being pushed around,” to which a negotiator can respond, “Feel pushed, huh?” Mirroring can be especially helpful in the early stages of a crisis, as negotiators attempt to establish a nonconfrontational presence, gain initial intelligence and build rapport.
5. Open-Ended Questions: Use open-ended questions instead of “why” questions, which could imply interrogation. If you do most of the talking, you decrease the opportunities to learn about other person.
Effective open-ended questions include, “Can you tell me more about that?” “I didn’t understand what you just said; could you help me better understand by explaining that further?” and, “Could you tell me more about what happened to you today?”

http://www.cio.com/article/595660/7_Essential_Business_Negotiation_Tactics

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